Things Your Friends And Family Members With Acne Need you To Know
When you have acne you can spend every waking moment being hyper aware of your skin. Like many others I am still working through healing the emotional scars that were left behind since suffering through cystic acne for more than half my life. You never forget the way acne made you feel even long after the spots and redness have faded away. Acne has a tremendous impact on mental well-being, but if you have never experienced chronic acne in your lifetime, you can’t begin to imagine the turmoil that can invade every aspect of someone’s life. For mental health awareness month I want to shed light on the inner thoughts and emotions someone with acne may have, so that you can better understand what they’re going through and be mindful with your words (because they can burn deeper than any benzoyl acid, triple acid spot treatment, needling, laser, or self-picking session we have ever put ourselves through).
Acne sufferers can easily fall into the tendency of wanting to stay unseen and unheard, but I know there are a few things your friends and relatives going through their skin journeys wish that you knew. In a Blume survey 64% of people defined beauty as having clear skin, and 71% said they have experienced depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or felt alone because of their acne. My harmful mentality when my acne was most severe was “when I have clear skin I will…” My entire life was on hold because I did not feel worthy, or confident enough to participate in it. And whenever I put myself out there in the world, I couldn’t stop worrying about how my skin was looking and wondering who would notice. Someone always noticed. Which is fine, we don’t really expect you not to see the bumps we desperately try to hide underneath our strategically applied makeup, but we do hope that you won’t mention it. I will never understand why acne is a physical attribute people feel so inclined to point out or put their two cents into. Which brings me to number one:
1. Your unsolicited acne advice is never welcomed or appreciated. We don’t need you to tell us to drink more water, go see a doctor, or give us the secret recipe to your old family DIY remedy. We have already applied everything to our skin from toothpaste to over priced clay and probably spend more money on skin care than you do on groceries per month. We are experts and we become encyclopedias well versed on skin care ingredients and acne types. So when our sun damaged, dry, and leathery skin textured aunt we see twice a year loudly asks us about our skin at the dinner table we want to scream! You are not helping us, you are embarrassing us. We would never bring up your skin, weight, hair, outfit or anything to potentially make you feel bad, because we know what it feels like to feel ashamed of our appearance. It is inappropriate to comment on things people can’t instantly fix. Lipstick on my teeth? Please let me know. Huge zit crusting under my makeup? Please refrain from reminding me.
2. Our acne greatly affects our relationships with others. We get social anxiety, we don’t want to make eye contact, and we will cancel plans because our skin said so. It can be hard not to compare ourselves to our effortlessly clear skin friends and sometimes we just feel sad being around you. A spontaneous pool party might sound amazing to you, but all we think is “How am I going to hide my acne at the pool while melting in this heat”? We are also terrified that someone in the friend group is going to post a bad photo of our acne (if we even get in any pictures at all) we want to trust you and need you to ask for our approval before publicly posting something (and I feel like this should apply to any social media content no matter the circumstance). It can also hinder our romantic relationships because we feel unable to remove makeup in front of our partners. I would recoil any time my boyfriend touched my face because I didn’t want him to feel my blemishes. I still to this day turn my head in the other direction avoiding any facial skin contact because it feels safe and I unrealistically fear it will come back.
3. We can become obsessive or anxious about what we are eating. There are so many food triggers that contribute to acne, and once we begin our inner healing journey there might be certain foods we can’t or won’t eat the same way as you. We can feel like a burden to others because of our dietary preferences or restrictions, and It hurts our feelings when you taunt us or make fun of our food choices. We need your encouragement and willingness to prepare or eat at restaurants that will have accommodations for us. It means the world to us to not have another reason to decline your invitations. But an obsession with clear skin can also lead to obsessive and anxious eating behaviors or disorders. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to eat healthier to thrive and heal (I’m a huge advocate that food is powerful medicine) however it needs to be acknowledged how easily we could become overly concerned with everything we are consuming and this can be potentially harmful and miserable for us.
I did say “we” a lot in this article even though it was mostly my opinion because I find comfort in and want to unify within the acne community. I love how there are so many supportive platforms like @freethepimple_ on social media normalizing, welcoming, and even praising those of us with acne today. We are slowly learning to be more comfortable in our skin and hopefully one day you, the rest of society, and the beauty industry will become more accepting and aware of our needs and perspective too.
